


Shorts

by EMCurtis



Category: Original Work
Genre: Prank Wars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 21:16:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17629853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EMCurtis/pseuds/EMCurtis
Summary: These shorts are the accumulation of silly ideas for my forever project of a story.  One day I swear I will write the full book, but until then these little gems need a home.





	Shorts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Snuggle Bunny](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Snuggle+Bunny).



23 June 2012

Dear Loki,

I have spent today looking at the concept of traditions.  For example, this “report”.  I mean, can we even call this a report?  These “reports” are letters.  They always have been, really.  Then again, I was told to write you a report at the age of four, so the bar must have been set very low.  I bet you were surprised to receive words on paper at all.  ;)

Anywho, I am busily distracting myself again.  I know, I know.  What else is new?  Well, nothing here truly.  I have been busily plying my trade as a librarian.  I suppose the big news is that today marks the end of the 15th annual joke off.  Thank the heavens.  I mean, I love Pakak and Indra; I really do, but they really need someone to teach them some good practical pranks or something.  They either go over the top or just fail miserably.  Do you suppose you could come and train them up a bit before next year?   For the sake of my own safety/ sanity.  Please…

But, I digress, as you are such a fan of tricks; my dearest friend and Trickster Guardian, prepare to be enthralled (more likely horribly displeased and maybe mildly entertained) with the worst prank war in recorded history.   But first, some history…

You must remember the events of roughly 20 years ago and how Tavish and Willem ran that joke shop together.[i]  Well, to say that the two of them drove the remainder of us insane with their unceasing jokes and trialing products on any, and every, one of us.  Those that spent the most time with them, Imogen and I, had it the worst by far. 

At some point in all this chaos both Indra and Pakak decided to come for a visit. This was the worst decision on record, a decision that all of us, even the ever-passive Addy, were incapable of talking their stubborn tails out of.  Well, as is predictable the twins were ecstatic for a fresh set of victims and made their visit a living hell.  I kid you not; Hel should really take lessons from those two.  And yes, I know I am saying that my husband is annoying by saying this.  He knows it is true and, honestly, I think it is a fact he is quite proud of.  

By the end of their stay they had fallen for, walked into and frankly bore the brunt of so many jokes I am honestly surprised that they chose to remain our friends (and by “our”, I really mean Willem and Tavish).  The night before they left, they got to arguing.  Indra, who has always insisted upon being considered the wisest of us all, after all he is the eldest (my eyes are rolling as I am writing this), decided that there was no way he could have fallen for the same number of pranks as Pakak.  We were prepared to just let the comment slide as, generally, Pakak would always insist upon this, but it seems that fate would have it this was the one time Pakak just couldn’t stand to be mocked in this manner.  So, a tally was taken and (of course) they were exactly tied.

Needless to say, this simply could not stand and so both of them insisted that the twins start to prank them again until one or the other falls for a prank.  The twins, again needless to say, thought that this was the worst idea imaginable.  After all, what fun is it to pranks someone who expects you to prank them.  Obviously, this didn’t seem to faze either of the dolts where it concerned Imogen and myself (wow, I only just realized how irritated just the memory of those times can make me. I should probably warn Tavish to hold off on his pranks for a bit.  No need to bite his head off for nothing.) 

So, now those two were stuck at a standstill.  Either they needed to just accept that they were evenly matched or they needed to find someone else to prank them.  Why the devil did I never call on you back then?!?  Seriously, you would have loved that wouldn’t you?  In the end, they decided that they would each try to prank the other, a final tally would be taken, and the winner would be the less duped of the two.  I still wish to roll my eyes at this.  We are all grown adults and this sounds like the solution that a middle schooler would concoct.

Moving on.  Having decided upon a Prank War the twins grew extremely excited and each flew into the room with a beginner’s box of tricks and a sheet of paper.  I swear I had never before, and have never since, seen those two dunderheads move so quickly.  And so, the rules were drafted. 

 

Prank War Rules

  * Competition will commence the morning, noted as the point after which breakfast has been cleared, of 20 June and will continue for three days until nightfall, being the point at which dinner is set upon the table, of 23 June. 
  * Any materials can be garnered from Willem and Tavish, but neither twin can participant or assist in the assembling of the pranks. 
  * Any instance where an innocent party is caught in the crossfire will result in a one-point deduction (Imogen and I were really hoping to avoid their spreading into the shared spaced by saying this, but of course …)
  * A non-biased party will record the tally.  (Thus far, it has always been Addy, Rusi[ii] is the other option, but as expected, he always refuses.  I can’t say that I blame him.) 
  * There are no restrictions as to the nature and the cost of the pranks or their materials (I guarantee that this rule is going to be receiving an amendment next year.)
  * Thus ends the Prank War Rules.



 

The first year was supposed to be the end of the darn thing, but wouldn’t you know that the result was a tie, as it has been every flipping year since.  Loki, I swear, if I have to undergo a full century of this I will not care the consequences hoisted on me for killing one of them.  It will happen.  And so, with the history all laid bare before you, I can finally tell you the tale of the monstrous 2012 Prank War.

20 June 2012

Breakfast was a big, luxurious affair (mostly Imogen and I agreed that we wanted to postpone the inevitable as long as possible and so, breakfast ended at noon :D).  Immediately after the meal, Indra said he needed to head out.  We all knew he was out to buy supplies from the twins who have started opening a joke stand every year at this time, which is a hit amongst the local kids who are enjoying their summer breaks as well.  What nobody expected was that Indra had already grabbed some supplies, which I want to say may be bending the rules a bit, because he obviously came prepared for his first prank.  This was the traditional rigging of the mailbox.

Poor Pakak, as he was leaving to head to, again without a doubt, the stand Willem requested that he pick up the mail while he was out.  Hearing this I chose to watch him leave, not wanting to miss him grabbing the mail, I find it funny watching the two of them open containers during the war.  They do this funny stand to the side hop and duck technique which in itself is hilarious, even more so when the other has predicted the response and puts something below them.

To my disappointment, he must have figured he was safe, after all the war had only just begun.  He wasn’t, I only caught the movement from the corner of my eye as I turned away, but my curiosity was quickly resolved. Pakak, likely assuming Willem had known of the prank, stormed back into the house seething mad at him.  Willem swore he had no part in the matter (to be honest, I am not entirely sure he didn’t.  The only thing he has going for him is that the fae love rules and if a rule is set they cannot break it, although I can think of a number of loopholes.) 

Anyways, Imogen, Addy and I were far too busy cracking up at our enraged friend.  His face was coated in so much glitter and paint that he could have passed for a child’s interpretation of a Jackson Pollock painting.  I am just beyond happy that it was Pakak, and not our poor mail carrier, that opened the mailbox.  Can you imagine?  You are minding your own, just doing your job when BAM an explosion of paint and glitter ruins your uniform and your day.  I kid you not, it has been three days and Pakak is still sneezing glitter.

Pakak ran upstairs and cleaned up before running out again.  This time, he passed the mail carrier on his way out and grabbed the mail from his hands.  Indra arrived home shortly after Pakak’s departure and ran upstairs directly.  He was up there for hours and only came back down for a quick snack.  A snack that little to his knowledge had been prepared for him by Pakak. 

I will admit that it was more than a little cruel, because this particular prank wound up making Indra ill for a number of hours.  He was only really at top health again after breakfast the next morning.  So, what Pakak had done was to remove the interior flesh from all of my fruits (a fact that annoyed the hell out of me by the way) and refilled each of them with flavored gelatin.  Now, I am not sure you remember, but Indra really loves to “sink his teeth into” (that is his favorite way to state it) any, and all, fruits, but he never eats meat.  Honestly, he is more of an herbivore than I am.  He literally won’t touch anything besides fruit.

Ordinarily, I would say that it can’t be healthy, but I guess most blood is full of glucose (which is sort of sugar) soooo… sugar water is not crazy different than blood?  I don’t know.  He explained it once … ages ago, there was something about coconuts?  So, long story short meat is bad for Indra and, like me, he gets incredibly sick from it.  It really doesn’t matter.  He is my favorite fruit juice drinking vampire (Tavish is insisting I tack on ‘Fruit Bat’ here.) 

Now the remainder of that night Indra was sick and Pakak tried to play nice.  He just didn’t undo any of his pranks.  There was a loud thud when Indra went to bed, apparently tarring and feathering someone with glitter glue and crafting feathers is okay (I loathe the thought of cleaning my guest rooms.)  However, let’s not forget Indra’s earlier works against Pakak. 

Pakak received a number of significant attacks when he returned home.  His room was literally upside down, being that all of his furniture was stuck on the ceiling (he hasn’t bothered to correct this by the way) and oh, you will love this.  You know Plexiglas, right?  The thick clear plastic that can be used like glass?  Well, since Pakak’s door opens out he put a huge sheet of the stuff over the doorway and when Pakak went to enter his room he quite literally slammed into a solid pane of it and fell.  We had the added entertainment of Pakak wanting to munch on popcorn while watching a movie.  There was popcorn everywhere. 

And so ended Day 1.

Day 2 we all, the children (Indra and Pakak) excluded, had work.  After last year, when we came back to our house quite literally demolished we agreed that even though they were on “vacation” they couldn’t be trusted at home on their own.  Apparently, that was a mistake as Willem and Imogen would certainly attest to; we had Pakak go to the office to help Willem, while Indra went to work with Imogen.  The excuse is that they are our dear friends from out of town and they want to shadow us and see what we do.  After Thursday, I think that I can safely say that none of us will be willing to take either of them to work.

The morning started with everyone in desperate need of caffeine by means of tea or coffee, in some cases both.  We were so busy getting the kettles on and the pots boiling and milk steaming that none of us thought of mugs until Pakak opened the cupboard and found a note dangling from the shelf.   “It’s quite muggy out today, isn’t it” he read aloud.  Looking at us each and then peering out the window.  Loki, I swear it was the most beautiful of mornings, but Indra was right.  The entire front was flooded with mugs.  Every single mug and I swear there was at least an extra crate of them, were covering our front lawn and the neighbors were stopping just to get a better look.  I went to the cupboard and pulled down some cereal bowls.  I was not about to go and fetch a mug.  Apparently, the others agreed.  Again, the mess remains for now.  I am still, quite pointlessly hoping that they will clean up after themselves.  By the way, would you like a mug?

The trips to work sounded safe.  I think that they were both too afraid to endanger innocents by planting things in cars.  On the other hand, work was not.  Oh am I ever so glad I work at a library.  It is quiet, peaceful, and far too boring to legitimize a friend sitting with you all day.  Yay for deskwork!  That is literally the only point in life that I will ever utter that sentence.  I love seeing what I get to see while processing new manuscripts, but to say that my work is exciting would be an overstatement. 

Willem has an amazing job.  He edits film, which can be boring deskwork at times, but it is boring deskwork with movies and sounds and buttons.  So, not quite that boring.  There are not many people at his work place and he never remembers to pack a lunch.  Imogen works with a photography group that takes models to unique locations.  On Thursday, they were taking photos at an automobile museum.  Apparently, Willem (inadvertently) gave Indra an idea when he asked him to order pizzas for the office.  Indra did this, ordering himself a juice while he was at it, and then it hit him.  He could likewise order food for Pakak.  The parlor wouldn’t know that it wasn’t Pakak ordering the food.  So, he made a huge order. 

Fast forward two hours and we find Imogen and Pakak on set with a ton of half-starved females and a delivery boy comes over asking if there was a Pakak in.  Pakak nodded and shrugging at Imogen followed the boy outside where he was loaded with 30 large pizzas and footed with the bill.  This was too much for Pakak who then had to deal with the kid being upset and then a call to the parlor where he gave his card number and a few hundred dollars later he was walking back inside furious and frustrated with a mountain of pizza and a grumbling museum curator in his wake.  Add to this that he hadn’t checked what flavors they were before bringing them in.  According to Imogen, there were only five in the lot that were edible.  There were peanut butter pizzas with Reese’s Pieces on top.  A couple other candy pizzas and some monstrous combinations including a wasabi sardine pizza.  They took that one outside as soon as it was opened. 

Pakak was furious and took his retribution.  He opted for a singing telegram; apparently, they will sing anything you ask.  I have heard of these office place carolers before; I just never knew that they would sing quite literally anything.  In this case, a candy-gram sang how much Pakak absolutely adored his pizzas and quite literally had the kid singing off a list of all the flavors.  I feel bad for the caroler, but he was paid well and tipped generously by a laughing Willem.  I won’t be surprised if the scene makes its way into a film in the future. 

The boys managed to behave themselves the rest of the day, but I think it was less them and more Imogen and Willem keeping them on a tighter leash (they will make excellent parents someday).  So, while Tavish and I returned home rested and refreshed, both Imogen and Willem looked as if they were ready to pass out.  We tagged them out and let the boys go crazy at home for a few hours before one shower, where my hair was dyed neon green and a false step where Tavish found himself at the bottom of the stairs later we had to beg an out.  Wounded and more colorful than usual we went to prepare picnic fair (after all the children couldn’t be trusted at home or our work places) while Willem and Imogen took over guard duty.

The rest of the night was filled with whoopee cushions and your typical childhood prank buzzers.  We thought we would be safe in the night, except no.  We were all startled at a little past one in the morning by the heckling laughter of Pakak and the growls of a whipped cream faced Indra.  At the end of day two, the boys were tied again.

Day 3 was an early rise because, frankly Imogen and I both wanted whatever chaos those two would make, to happen outside.  Aside from Pakak flashing Indra from Imogen and Willem’s car in route to the park, nothing much happened.  Tavish and I couldn’t help laughing at the absurdity of all of this by the way.  I mean I am 22 and act more like a grown up than either of them do.

When we arrived at the park the boys each pulled out cases of junk and ran off.  The rest of us gathered a blanket and the picnic fair and fishing poles.   Imogen and the twins fished while I sat embroidering and getting some odd looks from folks, it truly is a dying art form.  I love it so much though.  Meanwhile there were water balloons and things flying from the terror twins in the background and eventually we had to draw them in because parents were sending them worrying glances.

At this point, we were ending up pranked just as often as their intended victims.  I wound up eating a toothpaste filled Oreo (Pakak), Tavish found that his watermelon was hollowed out completely (Indra), Willem found worms in his sandwich (Pakak) (a second note, disgustingly he ate it anyways :P) and poor Imogen tripped over a wire and wound up face first in a puddle (Indra).  That pretty much ended the boys games as Imogen laid in to them and scared Indra half to death.

With that the tournament ended before schedule and the total, yet again was a gosh darn tie.  I am begging you.  Please, by all things good in this world come out next year and end this hell.

And thus ends my weekly report. 

Hugs and kisses to you and your family.

Astraea

 

 

[i][i] This line references vaguely a future Harry Potter fanfic where Fred and George Weasley are really kelpie changelings who were added into the Weasley family by Dumbledore.  There is a huge story there and I promise to write it for you all soon.  Obviously, all references to the Weasley family are in thanks to the brilliant tales of J.K. Rowling and all rights to them go to her.

[ii] Another reference to my future Harry Potter fanfiction, I bet you can’t guess who it is (rolls eyes).

Same again as previously noted.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my tale. I am hoping to improve my writing so all criticisms are welcome. This first tale is rushed but I wanted to be able to send it to Snuggle Bunny as it is her favorite story. I do hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
